📰 Teen Completes State Test in Record Five Minutes
Trailblazer torches previous record of fifty questions in eight minutes.
Five minutes. That's all one student needed to set a new record for completing the State Test.
"Wait! I set a new record? That's awesome," Bridger remarked. "If I knew five minutes was a record, I would have clicked faster."
What were you thinking during your historic, blazing attempt, The Honest School Times asked?
"Nothing. I am speed. Kachow!"
How did he complete fifty questions, spanning every state standard, so freakishly fast?
He stared into space. "Did you know I started the semester with perfect grades?"
A classmate interjected. "Everyone starts with perfect grades, Bridger."
What happened just before the test? The Honest School Times recorded the historic exchange.
"Remember to try your best" the teacher started. "This test shows us—"
A hand shoots up. "This test doesn't count, right?" Bridger asked. "Will failing hurt my grade?"
A classmate interjected. "You're already failing this class, Bridger."
"What do you mean?" his teacher asked.
"Will failing holding me back?"
"Well, technically no."
"So it's meaningless. If there's no grade, there's no use in trying."
His teacher grew frustrated. "Look, this test shows what you've learned this year. It tells us—"
"Can I start now?"
"You realize everyone judges my job based on how well you do on this test, right?" his teacher growled.
Bridger yawned. "Don't care. Stayed up until 2:30 playing Fortnight. I need a nap."
What initiative!
According to sources, while Bridger raced through his test, others snored and drooled on their Chromebooks. Bridger's test was flagged for rushing and his teacher was deemed ineffective. Elsewhere politicians (who legislate but not proctor tests) clamor for higher standards. Meanwhile students never face consequences as they drive our educational system, asleep at the wheel.
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