📰 Local Teachers Fall Through Ice During Icebreaker
The shock! The cold! The tragedy!
Three local teachers were rushed to the hospital during professional development for falling through the ice during an icebreaker.
Eyewitnesses say that Carmen H., from Useless Consulting Ltd., spent a full hour doing icebreakers, including three exercises which are banned in the states of California, New York, and Idaho (on Tuesdays).
“It was horrible,” said first year teacher Silas Q. “When we didn’t open up enough, we ventured outside to a frozen pond. I thought we might do something with the snow. This wasn’t in any of my teacher’s education classes.”
“Besides, we already know each other,” Silas added, shivering. “How do these games help us teach better?”
The incident started some time around 10:30 as staff members walked blindfolded across the pond while their partners yelled out test scores. If the teachers knew their data* enough, they would know where to walk.
Eyewitnesses say Carmen kept screaming “Remember your why!” as the ice started to crack.
As rescuers arrived on the scene, Carmen reportedly thumbed through spreadsheets muttering “Fidelity rigor data, fidelity rigor data, fidelity rigor data.” Nobody knows what that means.
Before she was taken into custody, Carmen claims that in her defense, she hasn’t taught in at least ten years.
“I was so excited to make the trip,” she says. “We didn’t even get to the part where I light the school’s money on fire. They’re a cash strapped district, so I know the teachers love that part.”
Veteran teacher Bindy P. had a different take.
“Oh, I didn’t mind. They all knew the activities were banned. Especially after the Unspeakable PD of 2013.” She paused solemnly.
“But hey—I had already graded three assignments, so I needed a laugh. At least the hospital food beats the cafeteria these days. They’re in for a real treat!”
As for the PD itself, sources say nobody still knows the actual topic. Most teachers stated they would have pretended to care while slowly dying inside.
Correction: Earlier we stated teachers were to know their data. We meant “students.”
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I showed this article to my fellow teachers as we were knee deep in putting sticky notes on chart paper before recording our “noticings.”