📰 Crime Beat: Illegal K-Cup Found in Teacher’s Trash Can
The scandal! Electricity stealing teachers smuggle illegal K-Cup into school.
Note: This is a repost from January. I experimented posting several satire articles at once, but with lackluster results.
In a statement released to the press, local District Environmental Officer Sergeant Earth reported contraband was discovered in a trash can.
“You might want to sit down before you hear this,” he said, adjusting his piping hot coffee on the podium. “We found a k-cup.”
The room collectively gasped. Reporters nearly spilled their hot coffee.
“We’re not sure who smuggled it into school. All we know is, where there’s smoke, there’s fire. And someone smuggled an appliance into school, stealing precious electricity. Ahh!” he exclaimed, spilling hot coffee on the podium.
What will be done? Between cups of fresh coffee, Sergeant Earth outlined three steps:
1. He will idle his SUV in school parking lots, looking for teachers working after hours.
2. He will patrol the halls at all hours, listening for appliances.
3. He will monitor energy usage from his four big screen LEDs, looking for energy spikes.
“How dare they steal electricity!” he said between sips of warm coffee. “Think of the costs!”
The Honest School Times will keep you updated. But after a fresh cup of coffee.
🗞️ Are you behind on the news? Catch up on recent developments from The Honest School Times:
Local School Uses AI Grief Counselors after TikTok Ban (1/2025)
Teachers Gather on New Years to Watch Pendulum Swing (1/2025)
4th Grade Teacher Receives Record Breaking 34 Christmas Mugs (12/2024)
Amazing! Teachers Discover Dinosaur During Data Dig (12/2024)
Local Teachers Fall through the Ice During Icebreaker (12/2024)
