🚌 The Joy of Teaching Siblings
Building relationships with students means building relationships with families.
Every year when I first call attendance, it happens like clockwork: Similar surnames. Then, like asking a senior about future plans, the words just spill out: "Hey! Is so-and-so your sister? (Pause.) Oh, they are? This is going to be a great year!”
In teaching, August brings fresh frustrations from new course loads to new teaching fads. Let alone the stress of starting. But August also brings new joys. As the ninth year in my district, each year I get more and more siblings. (And cousins!) And I absolutely love it!
Aside: My first eighth graders are seniors in college this year. What’s with that?! Also, my first class I ever taught would be 27 now. At 36, my grey hair is well earned, I suppose.
Siblings may as well be my theme this year.
This Halloween my wife and I will be welcoming our second child. At a year and a half, my toddler is already a proud and loving older brother. Watching him kiss my wife's tummy qualifies as the cutest thing I’ve ever seen.
As I watch the siblings interact so far, one kissing and one kicking, I’m reminded how we’re not having a clone. This child already acts different from the way they kick to the way they respond to my voice.
I hear the jump from one kids to two feels difficult, but I’m ready to meet this next baby. But I don't think you subscribed for family updates, so back to the point.
Why do I love teaching siblings? Five quick reasons stand out.
1. Siblings provide context. Just as gravity exerts force on surrounding objects, we exist as relations. Siblings often act as foils. If one sibling hasn’t mentioned the other, the other will. By the end, you know each better.
But beware! Never confuse names or make negative comparisons. If you only talk about the older sibling, you send the wrong message to the sibling in your class now. (However, if the younger sibling mentions the older, you are fine.)
2. Siblings provide continuity. Teaching younger siblings continues family relationships. Sometimes a parent warns you about their next one. (Although this has never been an issue.) In most cases, though, especially if you teach a third or fourth sibling, welcoming parents feels like welcoming friends.
3. Easier communication. Familiar faces mean easier lines of communication. I’ve always believed that teachers and parents are on the same team, and if when younger siblings act up, all I have to do is remind them that I know their parents by now. No office referral necessary.
4. Relationships ripple forwards. One year I was warned about a difficult student. So I braced myself for that first day. Instead, this student stayed after class to say how excited he was for that year since his older brother loved my class. I had no trouble at all.
Never underestimate how relationships ripple through time. Good relationships with one sibling often transfer to other siblings. (And cousins.) Bringing out the best in one means bringing out the best in many.
5. Keeping tabs. As a general rule with siblings, beyond establishing the connection, I pretend I haven’t had the older sibling. Every student deserves your individual attention. Regular comparisons simply ignore the student sitting in your class now.
That said, younger siblings help keep tabs on older siblings. Periodically asking helps strengthen relationships because it shows genuine care and concern. Besides, when younger siblings share important life updates, I’ve rarely not smiled.
What do I want most as a teacher after students leave my room? To know my students are okay. It sounds, corny, yes, but after graduation students seemingly disappear into the void. And maybe that’s the natural order. But as I glean information, simply knowing past students are okay often restores my resolve in the present tense.
Siblings serve as reminders that we teach in community. Community provides meaning where hollow test scores fail. Community connects, strengthens, and enriches. We never just deliver information like a walking YouTube video, but help maintain the soil of the community itself one student—and family—at a time.
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In a few years I'll get to start teaching the CHILDREN of my former students. That'll be crazy.
I love what you point out about COMMUNITY as it relates to teaching siblings of former students. Understanding that students are people with families does help us know each student better, which translates to better teaching and learning. I also love what you said about keeping tabs on former students. Once a student of mine, always a student of mine, so it is always good to hear what former students are up to--if they're heading for college, jobs, still playing basketball, still playing oboe, etc.
I've been amazed over the years how different siblings can be from one another, so it is important (as you point out) to treat them as individuals. Same with twins. That's also why I bristle when teachers complain about parents of difficult students, as if everything was the parents' fault. When you have siblings growing up in the same house, with the same parents, you learn very quickly that that doesn't translate to identical kids.
One year, early in my career, I was so excited by having my first siblings of former, I stopped and asked each one on that first day of school while taking attendance, "oh, is so-and-so your brother/sister? Tell them I say hello." And then I got to the end of the alphabet. A sister of one of my more "challenging" students in the past. Because I had said inquired about the others' siblings, of course I had to for her. She replied emphatically, "Yes, I am so-and-so's sister. And I am NOTHING like her." I kept a poker face while inside I breathed a sigh of relief. And not only was this student--as promised--nothing like her sister. She was one of the loveliest, most thoughtful and hard-working students I've ever had.