Ten Comma Splice Thank You Letters

Print these for your desk. You need them.

In my talk “Help! I don’t know how to teach writing!”, I address the following concern first: I can’t teach writing because I don’t know all the terms.  Which is fair.  If the kids ask why, you need better answers than because.

But this fear is oversized, overgrown, and overblown.  My retort simply asks for the data on student thank you’s for comma splices.  Hmm.  That was wordy.  Let’s try again: How many students wrote you thank you letters last year for pointing out comma splices?

None?  Oh, dear.

Since I feared that was the case, I asked AI to write ten thank you letters to print and post by your desk to make you feel better. And in the meantime, until those actual letters arrive, check out my talk, linked above.

Letter #1: Formal

Dear Respected Educator,

I express my deepest appreciation for your astute instruction and mentorship in matters of linguistic refinement. Your discerning eye, akin to a linguistic maestro, identified a subtle yet impactful comma splice within the tapestry of my written expression, shedding light on the intricacies of syntactical precision.

The enlightenment gleaned from your erudite elucidation transcends the confines of a mere grammatical correction; it serves as a beacon guiding my pursuit of linguistic excellence. Your commitment to imparting such nuanced insights reflects a pedagogical prowess that elevates the educational experience to an intellectual crescendo.

In acknowledging your dedication to refining our communicative dexterity, I am compelled to convey my profound gratitude. Your pedagogical finesse fosters an environment wherein the cultivation of linguistic acuity becomes an enriching and transformative endeavor.

May the corridors of academia continue to resonate with your pedagogical virtuosity, inspiring countless minds to navigate the intricacies of language with the same finesse you have imparted upon me.

Sincerely,

[Student's Name]

Letter #2: Shakespearean English

Hark, Noble Tutor,

I extendeth mine earnest gratitude for thy discerning gaze upon my quill-woven tapestry of words. Verily, thou hast espied the mischievous comma splice, lurking amidst the lines, and thy astute correction hath broughteth both illumination and mirth.

In the comedic ballet of linguistic jest, thou art the maestro, uncovering the hidden follies in our textual masquerades. 'Twas as if thou, in thy wisdom, didst wear the cloak of Shakespearean wit, unveiling the comma's misadventures with a flourish of the quill.

With merriment and thanks, I applaud thy thespian teaching, transforming the mundane act of grammatical correction into a Shakespearean comedy. May thy linguistic spectacles continue to regale, and may the quill of knowledge forever dance in thy scholarly hand.

Humbly,

[Student's Name]

Letter #3: Southern Twang

Howdy, Professor,

I just wanted to drop y'all a note of thanks for catchin' that sneaky comma splice in my writin'. Your eagle-eyed teachin' don't miss a beat, and I reckon I'm mighty grateful for the heads-up. It's like you're the Sherlock Holmes of grammar, unravelin' the mysteries in our sentences.

Your way with words and patient guidance make learnin' this language a whole lot more interestin'. I appreciate your dedication to helpin' us folks navigate the nuances of proper English. Thanks a heap for sharin' your wisdom, and may your days be as bright as a Carolina sunrise.

Warm regards,

[Student's Name]

Post Script: I spent the first five years of my life in the South. Sorry if that hurt y’all’s feelings. Maybe round two will address a Bostonian accent or something? Give me ideas!

Letter #4: Gadsby-Style (Without E’s)

Good Tutor,

Thanks much for catching that tricky comma in my writing. Your sharp insight is truly outstanding, and I'm truly grateful for it. Your skill in teaching transforms this task into an intriguing pursuit, and I'm happy for your support in navigating linguistic subtleties. May your linguistic prowess bring joy to many, and may your passion for teaching find continuous fulfillment.

Sincerely,

[Student's Name]

Letter #5: As a Sonnet

Upon the parchment of my humble prose,
A comma splice, a subtle, sneaky foe.
Yet, 'pon your guidance, wisdom, keen repose,
It stands exposed, defeated, brought to woe.

Thy tutorship, a beacon shining bright,
In grammatical realms, a steadfast guide.
With skillful eye, thou set the error right,
In learning's voyage, sailing side by side.

Oh, mentor true, with patience as thy sail,
Through turbulent seas of syntax we steer.
Thy teachings, like a well-wrought, sturdy rail,
Ensure our words find harmony, sincere.

In gratitude, I ink this sonnet true,
For, comma splice defeated, thanks to you.

Letter #6: The Haiku

Comma splice unveiled,
Teacher's keen eye guides the quill,
Gratitude flows.

Letter #7: A Corny Rap

Yo, Professor [Teacher's Name], gotta give you props,
For catchin' that comma splice, my writing's non-stop.
You got that eagle eye, like a grammar detective,
Correctin' my sentences, makin' 'em more effective.

In the land of punctuation, you're the king,
Teachin' me the rules, makin' language sing.
No more comma chaos, thanks to your guide,
You're the rhythm to my rhyme, my linguistic pride.

So, here's a shoutout, a lyrical cheer,
For teachin' me the game, makin' everything clear.
Much love for your wisdom, your grammar finesse,
You're the teacher I admire, nothin' less.

Keep on rockin' the classroom, keep on teachin' cool,
You're the comma conqueror, breakin' every rule.

Sincerely,
[Student's Rap Moniker]

Letter #8: The Cat Game

Dear [Teacher's Name],

Meow-sive gratitude for catching that sneaky comma splice in my writing! Your keen eye for detail is truly paw-some. Meow, I didn't see it, but you did – a true feline friend in the world of grammar.

You guided me with such finesse, turning my prose into a purr-fect masterpiece. Meow-velous teachers like you make learning an adventure. Thanks a bunch for being the whiskers to my words and helping me navigate the jungle of punctuation.

In the vast realm of knowledge, your lessons shine like a meow-nlight beacon, guiding us through the twists and turns of language. Meow, you've made a lasting impact, and I'm furr-ever grateful for your wisdom.

Yours sincerely,

[Student's Name]

Post Script: Yeah, that one was bad. But do you see me drinking out of a saucer?

Letter #9: Missed the Point

hey teach, just wanna say thx for catchin that comma splice in my writin its like u got magic eyes or somthin i didnt even no it was ther but u did ur the best teach evr no doubt i apreciate u keepin an eye on my work makin it bettr u rock thx again

ur student,

[Student's Name]

Letter #10: Like Cousin Eddie*

Hey there, Teach,

I just wanted to drop you a line and say thanks a bunch for catchin' that sneaky little comma splice in my writing. I swear, it was like a squirrel in the attic – didn't even know it was there, but you spotted it! You're like the Clark Griswold of grammar, always finding those hidden surprises.

Your teachin' skills are like a gift that keeps on givin', and I appreciate you keepin' an eye on my scribblings. Without your help, my sentences would be like a burnt turkey – all messed up. So, thanks a million, Teach, for bein' the Eddie to my writing shenanigans. You're a real lifesaver, just like a well-timed sewer gas explosion.

Yours in gratitude,

[Student's Name]

*Look, I’m sorry.  I ran out of ideas by the last one.  I’ve never received a thank you note for comma splices either, so I’m just sort of thankful I have these too.  I typed one for Jar Jar Binks, but I was afraid that LucasFilm would have sued me.  So just take the other nine and be grateful, okay?  And while you’re at it, don’t be afraid to teach writing!